My 6th Monday... Groundhog Day

What’s your normal like? What are your best days like? What are your most frustrating days like?

For me, all three of these things happen in the spring semester. Every year it’s a combination of mass chaos to make sure I’ve planned enough, taught enough, made an impact and basically been the ring leader of my very own shit show—on literally a daily basis. That is my normal.

We are working on Week 6 of Sheltering In Place. And while most now feel like they are hitting their groove and really getting the hang of teaching online and utilizing zooms, I seem to be struggling more and more. I can’t even really pinpoint why I am uninspired—Is it being locked at home? Is it having crappy wifi and everything taking longer than it should? Is it not seeing my kids? Is it the ridiculous amount of zooms each week that feel like they are sucking out my soul? By this point in the year, the things planned, coordinated and organized has me crossing off my to-do list post-it notes right and left. I am the queen of post-its on my desk and I LOVE crossing things off! But these days, I barely have anything to write down.

Now, I am not a crier, but I woke up this Monday and just cried. Because it’s the 6^th Monday I haven’t set an alarm, I haven’t rushed out of the house by 6am to make sure the week is completely planned to a tee and I haven’t made copies or had a mini-pep talk on my 45 minute drive to school. But this Monday is still a little harder. This week was supposed to be our March Madness, our Super Bowl, our World Series… I haven’t made chaperone packets, I haven’t copied schedules for all the kids, I haven’t assembled my color coded schedule in my trip binder. It feels so strange to start a week that should be our biggest week of the year with still so many unknowns. While I appreciate all the work being done for our kids to have some type of virtual experience, there is just no replacement for the feeling of State Conference. State FFA Conference is truly life changing for so many kids. It inspires kids, it models excellence, it provides an outlet for leadership, and it creates connections that last a lifetime. A couple weeks ago, I was talking to a highly involved senior and he said, “I just wish I knew at the last conference (SLE) that I might never see some of my friends again.” That hit hard—straight daggers to my heart. While they have social media, he is right—seniors go to college, or go to work or go to the military and move on from this organization. There will be no goodbyes, no hugs, no last minute selfies while I yell to get in the bus because we’re leaving.

One of my favorite parts of my job is kids being on the state stage being recognized for their hard work. But without state conference it’s just a hard sell to be excited about any of it. The kids feel robbed and they should. The most unfortunate part is there is no one to blame. And in 5 years when things are back to the chaotic normal, this time period will be so significant for the kids that it has affected and most others will have just moved on and forgotten about the year kids got mailed their plaques and awards.

But I have been trying to justify this madness in my mind and be positive and keep kids excited, but at the end of the day it’s flat hard. Kids that have been to state conference, know what they’re missing this week. They know they won’t go to a workshop, they won’t take a photo with their favorite state officer, they won’t fill their bag at the career show, they won’t get soaked on Splash Mountain at Disneyland, they won’t say something silly and turn red in front of Mr. Mooney, they won’t watch the new state officers be elected with blue and gold confetti spraying for what feels like forever.

I know. Don’t say it. I know what you’re thinking. WHO CARES? Me, bitches—I care. My heart is literally breaking for every kid (and teacher) that won’t be in Anaheim this week. It’s just not the same and there is nothing we can do. That’s probably the hardest part to choke down. There is nothing I can do to make this better for my kids. They bust their butts and they have worked hard for this experience that won’t happen. There is no band-aid or remedy for this void. My hope is that the kids that are missing this week can remember the things they loved the most about State Conference. Maybe a person they met, an all nighter they stayed up giggling in their rooms, or a picture that will stay with them forever. But as someone who still remembers parts my high school state conference experiences, I hope my kids can hold out hope for next year and for the seniors they can remember the prior years and the experiences they had and friends they’ve made.

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” Christopher Reeve

At the end of the day, my heroes are my kids. Even the ones that are struggling right now-- They are trying, working to make sense of having everything that is their normal taken from them. I lean on their strength and bask in their dedication to leadership even when they don’t know when they will see each other again. It’s a humbling experience to watch children be strong despite the obstacles and unknowns.
Until next Monday... Until next Year...

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Never did I ever...

While the 90 days of May are in full swing I have been extremely busy. For once in my life it has not been all school/teaching related. 

I did a few things in the last two weeks that I never thought I would or could do. Each taught me something about myself and the type of person that I want to be along with the type of teacher I want to be. 

First, I ran a half marathon! Now for those of you that know me well, you know I typically don't run unless something is chasing me or there are cupcakes at the finish line. I ran my first 10K last fall in Disneyland.  For whatever reason this completely perked my interest in running. For the last eight months or so, I've diligently planned to run two days sometimes three days a week. And running a half marathon is something I never thought I would do, but completing it give me a sense of pride, accomplishment, purpose, and confidence. All things that I have once or twice in my life forgotten that I had. It was liberating and sooooo FUN! I'm not sure that I have the same motivation when running places other than Disneyland, but I plan to keep trying and improving... 

Ran it with the #soulsister Jill! 

The other thing that I completed was my masters degree with Chico State. This to me has been one of the most difficult but rewarding experiences of my life. It was everything great and awful all at once. I have been working on classes for my Masters for the past two years and finished my thesis this semester. I dubbed Sundays for homework or assignments during the time I took classes. Everyone now keeps asking when I plan to get my administrative credential... The answer is never! I just don't see that in my future or ever being part of my passion... And I'm big on that! If it's not making me feel successful or like I'm making a difference or helping someone to find their passion, I'm out! 

My friend Natalie was my saving grace during the whole program. Mollie, our professor, was my thesis cheerleader!

While it was difficult, I'm glad I did it. It doesn't make me feel smarter or anything crazy like that but it has allowed me to be part of another university, meet and work with some great professors, and collaborate with friends (mostly FaceTime to get through homework). The whole process taught me a lot about myself, how I prioritize time, how I work with others, how I handle stress, how I want to be a better teacher. 

Throughout the last two weeks of craziness, I have had project visits, meetings, parent and student emails, phone calls and texts. That's because this upcoming week is FAIR! 

It's always a crazy time but with all the calls, visits, videos, emails and texts, I am just reminded how great my students are. I have been gone from school a decent amount lately and they have completely stepped up and taken responsibility for themselves and their projects. They have asked questions, worked together, called professionals, communicated and worked diligently to dial in their animals to the best spot they can. Regardless of how much or little individual students need me, they all know the expectations I  have. They are all successfully rising to the challenge, which doesn't happen in every chapter/program. It's a simple question from me about their pig's weight that begins a conversation including feed amounts, weights, videos along with questions about changes they can and will make. Even when some people (parents) try to ruin the progress through hindering their child's growth, and responsibility, I am reminded that those students need the expectations the most, but they are also the ones that rise to the occasion without question. Kids love the competition of fair and livestock, as do I. But at the same time, I try to remind the kids, the big picture isn't about what award or ribbon you won, but maybe the late night barn duty with one of your friends or the silly jokes in the barns. It's about working together, being a team player, and having a great experience. Trophies and ribbons are just a perk. 

Stay tuned for a fair post! 

I'm not a Runner

Labor Day weekend I did something I never thought I could do. I ran... In a race... For a few miles...

Now, my entire life I have always said, "Do you see this body? It's not meant for running or cardio!" I've also said that if you see me running, you should probably start too because something is most likely chasing me. Running, and exercise of any kind, is not my forte.

So what the hell did I run in a race for? Well for starters, it was at Disneyland! Most amazing place ever! Freaking love that place! Secondly, I figured why not?? I mean really... What the hell was I waiting for? I decided it was probably best to start being proactive and the first step was some running.

I also decided a weekend with my crafty bitches would be so fun! Especially in The Happiest Place on Earth! So I signed my a$$ up and started preparing and did some training.

I trained and even got a treadmill to keep motivated. I will say it wasn't the easiest thing to stay focused for, mostly because I have never been a runner. But....

Going across the finish line was one of the most personally rewarding things I have ever done. It was such a rush of awesomeness! Then somebody handed me a medal... Pretty bada$$ to get a medal after doing something I thought was impossible. It was equally awesome that I did it with my soul sister, Jill. Our other crafty bitch, Alyssa, was with us too, but she smoked us and just ran her tushy off the whole time!

It was something that I'm pumped to do again... Like real soon... We already registered for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon in May!

Some days I still do things that amaze myself... The Disneyland 10K was definitely proof of that. I learned a little about myself in the process too. Mostly that I am the one that needs to believe in myself. I need to think more about what I can do rather than what I can't do.


Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.

The finish line!!!! 

Running in California Adventure... 

The crowd at 5:30am! Crazy that 8,000 people ran with us! 

We enjoyed the parks after our much needed showers!